Team Sparia the darker side
by tippytypewritter137
Summary: Team sparia, but a little darker then most are used to
1. Warning

**Warning label**

 **WARNING**

 **Before you make that first cut remember. You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily, they will get deeper. They will scar. They will sometimes take months to heal. And years for the scars to fade. If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again. It will spread when you run out of skin.**

 **Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame. Even if you are the most honest person ever to live you will find yourself lying to the people you love. You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt, or just because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.**

 **Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be. Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100... Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around cutting, and thinking about cutting, cutting and covering up cutting. And just wait until that first time you cut "too deep". And you freak because the blood won't stop, and you are gaping, ad you feel yourself shaking all over. You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't tell anyone. So you sit there alone, praying it will be okay and swearing you'll never let it go this far again. But you will; and further. Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid A and E.**

 **You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find yourself spending £10, £20, £30 every time you go into a chemist. You will feel the flutter of your heart beat every time you go to the counter. Butterfly strips, 3 or 4 kinds of dressings, wound tape, antibiotic cream, medical tape, and scar reducers. You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the queue will move on and that no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things. And at the same time secretly hope that someone will notice... someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies. Someone who understands. But of course that never happens.**

 **Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on. Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe. Long sleeve shirts in summer colours, bracelets, wristbands, boots, gloves the list goes on and on.**

 **You will start looking at every one in a different way. Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI, just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone. You won't even think about it as you eyes scan their wrists, arms, hoping, just hoping that you might meet someone like you. But they are not. You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.**

 **You will start doing alot of things alone. You will always have to wash your laundry in private so that no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood. Scrubbing your bathroom floor, wiping the blood off your keyboard.**

 **You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting. Next thing you know you're locked in a toilet cubical somewhere breaking open a scar with a sewing needle you keep in your purse for emergencies. When you get really desperate anything can be a cutting tool. Scissors, car keys, needles, even a pen. It doesn't really matter what if you need to cut bad enough you'll find something.**

 **Say goodbye to the things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals, pedicures and sleeveless tops. A normal summer day at the beach or the swimming pool will become a far off memory to you.**

 **And remember to be ready to itch. Because you will itch and itch so much that "you look like you have fleas or a skin disease".**

 **You will become an expert on your own body as you destroy it carefully. You will dream about cutting. You will dream about being exposed. It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because you will absolutely hate cutting; but at the same time you love it and cannot live without it.**

 **You have been warned...**


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

 **Only saying this once.**

 **I do not own pretty little liars, I have no rights to the books, or show, If i did...**

 **Description:**

 **This story is using the pretty little liars cast, it may have some similarities.**

 **Ali is still alive there is no A team, and Maya never existed.**

 **Chapter 1.**

Aria's POV:

I woke up covered in sweat, for what seemed like the millionth night in a row. I had another nightmare, you might be wondering why. You see, my friend Alison, discovered my huge crush on our friend Spencer. Now Ali, keeps threatening to tell her. I am so stressed, it's more than a crush on Spencer, I am in love with her. I don't know what to do, I have been self harming. I don't just cut, I also burn. I looked over at the clock, it was only 2am I need to calm down. My heart is still racing from my nightmare, I need to burn. I got up and walked over to my loose floorboard, lifted it up, grabbed the tools out. I took a deep breathe, and started heating up my "tool" after a few minutes it was hot enough. I rolled up my pant leg, and pressed the hot metal to my ankle, I repeated this whole process I don't know how many times, before I heard my phone going off. I picked up the phone, who would be texting at 2am? When I looked at the screen I realized it was now 2:30am, the text was from Spencer.

"Ar, I got a feeling that you needed me. Are you okay? - Spence"

"Not really. -Aria xo"

"Want me to come over? -Spence"

"I don't want to be a pain. -Aria"

"Okay, I will see you in 10. -Spencer"

"Thanks Spencer. -Aria"

I finished texting Spencer, I realized she was going to be really close, and I hadn't slept great in weeks. What if I told her how I felt by accident? Or did something else to tip her off? I started to feel the need again. My ankle was already pretty much covered in 3rd degree burns, so I had to cut. I pulled the razor out of my floor, and cut my arm. Pretty deep actually, not bad enough to need stitches but pretty bad.

I heard someone coming so I quickly jumped into bed, thinking it was my parents. I had totally forgotten that Spence was on her way over, until she walked through my door.

"Hi Ar."

Spencer's POV:

I walked into Aria's room. I hadn't just felt something was wrong with her, Alison told me that Aria has been having nightmares. I didn't want her to know Ali told me just yet.

"Spence" Aria sounded so small and upset. It broke my heart to hear the love of my life like that. She may not have known that I was truly madly deeply in love with her, but it didn't change how I felt.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Oh crap, I didn't mean to call her baby. I hope she didn't notice, crap she is blushing.

"Will you just hold me Spencie?" Aria asked as her voice cracked.

"Of course." I started walking the last few steps to her bed, when I noticed a razor on the ground. I picked it up, it was covered in warm liquid. It was dark, in her room, if it wasn't for the moon light I wouldn't have seen the razor. I wasn't positive but I was pretty sure it was covered in blood. "Ar, why is there a bloody razor on your floor?" I asked her softly, as if she was a small frightened child.

"Magic?" She answered, hopefully.

"Aria, that isn't the real answer. Try again hun."

"No, you will hate me." She said, while pulling the covers over her head and hiding. I took a deep breath. She started sobbing. I need to know what she had done, but I think she needs me to hold her more. I climbed into her bed with her and wrapped my arms around her, in a spooning position. She quickly turned around and buried her head in my chest, cry uncontrollably. I whispered that it would be okay, over and over in her ear, while holding her tight around the waist and rubbing her back. After an hour ish she calmed down. "Sweetie, I need you to answer. Did you hurt yourself with that razor?" Aria slowly nodded her head. "Okay." I said calmly, "Did you hurt yourself with anything else." Once again she nodded. "I need to look Aria to make sure you are okay." This time she shook her head no. "Sorry baby, I need to see." I let go over her and stood up turning on the light. I quickly pulled the covers to the end of the bed so she couldn't hide again. I could easily see the blood on the bed, myself, and of course on my princess. "Show me" I said.

Aria's POV:

I was so scared, she was gonna hate me as soon as she saw. I was gonna lose Spencer, before she was ever really mine. The tears started pouring down my face.

"Does it hurt baby?" Spencer asked softly.

I couldn't answer, if I opened my mouth to speak all that would come out would be more sobs. I just shook my head no.

"Do you think I am mad?" Spencer inquired looking flustered.

I simply nodded at her.

"Sweetie, I am not mad. For you to hurt yourself it was either an accident or you must have been hurting really bad on the inside. I just want to make sure you are okay. Please show me."

I stretched out my wrist to her, Spencer examined it. I continued to cry silently.

"Okay this doesn't need stitches, but it does need to be cleaned and wrapped. Show me where else you hurt yourself."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. I slowly rolled up my pant leg again, then pointed to my ankle.

Spencer didn't say anything she just looked, then she nodded, before turning and walking away. I gasped thinking she was leaving.

"Shh, it's okay. I am not leaving I am just getting the first aid kit out of my purse."

Spencer grabbed the first aid kit out of her purse, and cleaned the cuts on my arm and bandaged them not speaking while she worked. After she looked at my ankle, she kissed the burns and muttered something I didn't hear, before bandaging the burns, and applying ointment. She then had me stand up and she changed the bloody sheets, and blankets.

"I am going to go put these dirty ones in the wash, so they don't stain. You can tell your parents you spilt tea." She explained, before taking the sheets and leaving the room. After she left the room I curled into a ball and sobbed silently. There was no going back from this, I was caught, and going to lose my best friend. Soon Spencer was back in the room, she turned off the light before sitting beside me.

"Aria, sit up please we need to talk." Her voice sounded all sweet and loving, maybe she didn't totally hate me yet. I sat up like she requested, she instantly pulled me onto her lap, holding me tight. "I love you Ar! You can't hurt yourself like this."

"I am sorry Spence." I was telling the truth I regretted my self harming so much at that moment.

"Why do you do it baby?"

"I can't tell you. If you don't want to run from me now, you will if you know." I stated quietly.

"I am not running now, or anytime. You are my friend and always will be."

I sighed.

"Please Aria, just tell me."

"I will try... you see... I am,..I lovesomeoneandtheywillneverlovemebackandalisonknow sandshewontstopholdingitovermeandidontknowwhattodo andthenightmares."

"Woah! I didn't catch like any of that. You talk to so fast maybe you should be captain of the debate time not me. Try again, slower." She said with a hint of humor

"I am in love with you, Ali knows and has been holding it over me. It has caused me to have nightmares and I couldn't deal with it all, this helps."

It was silent, you could have heard a pin drop anywhere in the house with how quiet it got. Although Spencer didn't push me off her lap so maybe there was a chance she wouldn't hate me."

"Aria, I..." Spencer started.

ease Aria, just tell me."

"I will try... you see... I am,..I lovesomeoneandtheywillneverlovemebackandalisonknow sandshewontstopholdingitovermeandidontknowwhattodo andthenightmares."

"Woah! I didn't catch like any of that. You talk to so fast maybe you should be captain of the debate time not me. Try again, slower." She said with a hint of humor

"I am in love with you, Ali knows and has been holding it over me. It has caused me to have nightmares and I couldn't deal with it all, this helps."

It was silent, you could have heard a pin drop any where in the house with how quiet it got. Although Spencer didn't push me off her lap so maybe there was a chance she wouldn't hate me."

"Aria, I..." Spencer started.

"Please don't say you hate me" Aria interrupted with a heart wrenching sob. Spencer pulled Aria into an even tighter hug.

"baby" _oh shit i called her baby again fuck wait she is in love with me so she wont be upset i hope. "_ Baby, I don't hate you. I could never hate you, it is almost impossible for me to even be upset with you. I have been in love with you, probably since the first day we met in in 6th grade. I didn't know it was love then but I do know and have for a while. I want so much to have you as my very own princess, just like Beast had Belle." I finished my long winded speech and kissed the top of her head, and started rubbing her back to help sooth her.

"You could never be like beast, you are far to pretty Spence." Aria whispered. Aria tilted her head up and looked spencer in the eyes "Do you really mean I could be your princess? even with all of what you saw tonight."

"Aria, nothing you could do would make me love you less, the scars and injuries on your body only show me the war that is in your mind" Spencer told her.

"May I kiss you please?" Aria asked softly.

"I am not your mistress baby, if however you may kiss me but just once, we have school tomorrow and you need your rest" Spencer chuckled.

"Yes ma'am" Aria replied with a soft chuckle before quickly capturing Spencer's lips in a passion filled gentle kiss, that she hoped would express her love. Spencer kissed back with just as much passion.

After there short kiss, Spencer spoke up, "Ar, the way I see it we have two options,.. 1. I can spend the night and sleep with you but I have to go home in the morning and get clothes and my school stuff, or 2. I can go home now and pick you up for school in the morning."

"Sleep here, but before we go to sleep.. I need to ask you something." Aria answered.

"Okay shoot."

"Spencer Hastings, will you do me the honour of being my girlfriend?"

Spencer pretended to think for a few minutes before answering, which only made Aria nervous.

"I will be your girlfriend, IF you agree to be my princess." Spencer said with a nervous smile.

"Of course, does this me you will call me baby more?"

"Only if you go to sleep now baby." She replied with a wink.

Aria climbed off Spencer's lap, and under the covers. Spencer hadn't moved, so Aria patted the spot next to her and lifted the covers to imply that Spencer should join her. Spencer shook her head and then took off her pants and crawled into bed next to Aria.

"hold me Spencie?" Aria requested sleepily. Spencer slipped her arm around Aria's waist and pulled her close.

"Go to sleep now baby." Spencer directed, before kissing the smaller girl's head. Both girls drifted into a peaceful sleep, leaving life's problems and worries for the next day.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N : hi guys way too long since my last update. A few of your reviews and messages questioned how open Aria is about her self harm. Well I was just as open when I harmed and aria is mind of based off my past. As for the readers who commented that the girls don't seem like they do in the show … I already stated that it's not supposed to they are my take on them.

ps : thanks to those who followed the story to my new profile :)

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Aria climbed off Spencer's lap, and under the covers. Spencer hadn't moved, so Aria patted the spot next to her and lifted the covers to imply that Spencer should join her. Spencer shook her head and then took off her pants and crawled into bed next to Aria.

"hold me Spencie?" Aria requested sleepily. Spencer slipped her arm around Aria's waist and pulled her close.

"Go to sleep now baby." Spencer directed, before kissing the smaller girl's head. Both girls drifted into a peaceful sleep, leaving life's problems and worries for the next day.

Aria woke up feeling sore, guilty, nervous, and a little worried but over all refreshed still in Spencer's arms. Spencer felt Aria starting to move so she opened her own eyes,

"How you feeling this morning hun?"

"I am not sure, did you mean last night what was said i mean are you serious and me and you like girlfriends"

"Woah Aria the writer unable to form a coherent sentence"

"Don't joke I'm serious"|

"Yes, I meant that I wanted to be your girlfriend. If you want to be mine that is."

"I do."

"Okay well give me a kiss then i really gotta go home to get ready for school"

Aria leaned in and kissed spencer so softly spencer could barely feel it, so spencer deepened the kiss, slowly moving her hands from Aria's waist up her back and shirt. When the girls pulled away they were both trying to catch their breath.

"Sorry was that too much ? "

"No it was perfect"

"Do you want me to come back and get you for school? Or wait for you to get ready and take you with me?"

"Wait and take me with you please, I don't want to be alone."

"Go shower then."

Aria quickly pecked Spencer on the lips before scurrying of to the shower. Aria could be heard singing loudly and off key as she was in the bathroom getting ready.

 _I'm sorry if I seem uninterested_

 _Or I'm not listening', or I'm indifferent_

 _Truly I ain't got no business here_

 _But since my friends are here, I just came to kick it_

 _But really I would rather be at home all by myself_

 _Not in this room_

 _With people who don't even care about my well-being_

 _I don't dance, don't ask, I don't need a boyfriend_

 _So you can, go back, please enjoy your party_

 _I'll be here_

 _Somewhere in the corner_

Aria randomly screamed, "OW FUCK ME OW SHIT FUCK OW" Spencer and Mrs. M went running to the bathroom door. "Aria are you okay?" Mrs M asked. "I'm fine, the water burned me thats all mom! " Aria called from the bathroom. Mrs M. noticed spencer, "hey hun would you like some breakfast" "no thanks im here to get Aria for breakfast before class" "Oh okay that's sweet of you"

When Aria came back from the bathroom, Spencer was sitting on her bed. "Aria, I need you to let me look at your, erm, . . . *she paused not knowing how to word the rest of her statement* . . . injuries to make sure they don't get infected or need a doctor."

"If I show you, you have to promise no doctors."

"I can't promise but I can promise to do my best to make sure we don't need one but that's the best I can do"

"Deal"

"And I am talking to Ali today, I am sick of her blackmailing my friends."

"But…"

"No buts get dressed so we can go"

Review! please!


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